Some people say being a perfectionist is a bad thing, I don’t see it that way. I am a perfectionist, I think if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right. I don’t expect perfection from anyone else, I don’t expect my kids to be perfect in any way, I don’t expect Chris to be perfect. But I do expect everyone to do their best.
For me, being a perfectionist means just that, that I try to be perfect at whatever I’m doing. I know that I’ll never achieve perfection though. I know the only one that is perfect is God. Do I let the fact that I can’t be perfect get me down? Sometimes, but not usually. Because like I said, I know I can’t be perfect. But I want to try. I want to be the very best mom that I can be. I want to be a perfect mom. I know I can’t be, but I can damn well try. I want to be a perfect wife. Am I? Yes. Lmao…Chris might tell you something different. No, really, I’m not a perfect wife, in fact there are days that I wonder how in the world Chris puts up with me. I want to be a perfect sister, perfect daughter, perfect friend…etc. Do I succeed at those, no. I want my house to look perfect, I want it to be clean and look nice all the time. I struggle with that one, because it does mean that I’m cleaning up a lot, but for me to walk around my house and have stuff put away takes away a lot of stress. I have given up control of the playroom though. It isn’t clean most of the time. The kids have to clean it up once a week, other than that, it can stay messy. Some days I just have to avoid looking down there.
So why do people think that trying to be perfect is a bad thing? Why does it make some people angry? Literally angry? Why should anyone care that I’m trying to be the best that I can be at whatever I’m doing? For me, being a good mom isn’t enough, because there is always room for improvement. Being a good wife isn’t enough, because I could always be a better wife.
The one thing I struggle with the most is looking perfect. Because I want that so bad, but just can’t get there. I posted a blog about hating my body…I am changing that. Not my weight, try as I may, that isn’t changing, but my attitude about my weight is (slowly). We got a treadmill and I’ve been running 5-6 days a week since we got it. I can’t run far, 3 miles is my ‘normal’ day, and once a week I run 5 miles. So I know I’m not some marathon runner (and I never will be) but I’ve been running and I’ve been eating better. I’m NOT going to change the way I eat completely, I’m just not. Anyway, so I’ve been doing all this for about a month. Guess what, not one pound dropped. Talk about frustrating. But after my last “weigh-in” and not losing anything, I had to change my focus. No, I’m not the size I would like to be, no I can’t fit into my “skinny” clothes. But you know what, I feel better, I’m teaching my kids that exercise is important, Chris said my attitude is better, so why do I have to focus so much on my weight. It has finally started to occur to me that maybe, just maybe, this is who I am. That I just need to find clothes that fit me well, and stop trying to get into a smaller size. If I can run as much as I have been and eat fewer calories, maybe this is just me. But there is that perfection thing again…I can always be better than what I am. So should I put all of that energy into looking perfect, or having a perfect attitude? Like I said, I know I’m not going to achieve any kind of perfection, so that is a somewhat rhetorical question.
Wow, this started out in my head as a much shorter, less complicated blog. But you know me, what is on my mind just comes pouring out with no rhyme or reason. 
Looking at you from my eyes, The tread mill is paying off (you may not see it but i do) Your relationship with your husband is one i wish i could have with mine and your mothering skills? On a scale of 1 to 10 from what i have witnessed a 20! You are way to hard on yourself, but for me that’s the pot calling the Kettle black…
I should have told you this when I saw you at soccer practice, but I was thinking to myself how good you looked. I can really tell you have been running. Also, I did that half marathon at the end of July and through the whole training…..stayed the same weight. I haven’t ran much since the race, and yet same weight, but don’t feel as “good” and notice I am not wearing my cloths the same. I hope to get back at it, but I had to tell you, reading your posts on how you made it up to 5 miles and still running and then seeing how great you looked has be a good inspiration. When you are inspiring others (including your children) that has to be a level of perfection! Right?!?
I didn’t lose hardly any weight during my marathon training but we did a health assessment at work and I’d lost inches and my cholesterol, lung capacity, etc were all improved. I think it’s our age! I’m really proud of you for running. Afa people being angry about your search of perfection, that’s their issue really. Maybe it makes them feel lazy? It could be intimidating for them? People have different ideas of perfection too so maybe they already think you’re perfect and they get angry that you’re still trying so hard when in reality you trying so hard is what gets you there in the first place. I’m just now entering this whole SAHM and FTM world and there is a LOT of comparing that goes on, as you know. All you can do is what makes your family run smoothly…although your house is ridiculously clean;)
I am going to say one more word: HORMOMES! Get them checked with Jeanne at the Clinic. I struggled with the same thing 3 years ago and once I got my hormones under control, I was able to start losing weight!!!!!
Dani, it is not the number on the scale that matters! You are so much more confident and comfortable with yourself and that is what really matters! Every time I have seen you in the past month you have a had an extremely confident and happy smile on your face.
There is nothing wrong with the search for perfection either. You are right there is always room for improvement and that is a good lesson to teach our kids. But you also have to balance that with accepting good enough.
I learned that lesson my senior year with my advanced biology teacher. I would do the same level of work as other students, but get nothing more than a B when they got A’s. He had known me since I was in 6th grade when he taught with my parents and knew I was capable of more. There was nothing sweeter than looking at my final report card and seeing that A-. Sure it wasn’t an A+, but still I knew how hard I had worked for it and so did he. I also knew that if I wanted that A+ that bad I would have tried even harder. His pressure on me to try harder made my college classes so much easier.
I also have to agree with Shelly on this, it is probably a good idea to get your hormone levels checked. I wish that more Doctor’s would do this as a part of a routine physical as it gives a person, especially women, a clear picture of what is going on not only emotionally, but physically with their bodies. Sometimes things are easier to accept or work on when you know what you are dealing with. Which reminds me, I think I’ll be asking to have my hormone levels checked the next time I see my Doctor. We all have our “issues” and mine are acne & hives if I miss a dose of zyrtec.
Jolene