“Confident & Content”

Here is (part of) a text I sent to Chris & Bridgette this morning:
“I have officially lost 20 lbs since January. I know that’s a long time, but hopefully since it took so long it’ll last. And I’m starting to feel more comfortable in my body and realizing that even though I don’t have a lot of people’s standard of a nice body, there are a lot more people who think I’m beautiful the way I am.  I don’t know what finally made it click for me but I’ve started thinking about my body and how yeah I don’t like my stomach, but I love that I look like  a woman and not a teenager or a boy. I would rather be happy like this than constantly hating myself and being disgusted when I see pictures”  They both responded in how they’re proud of me for the weight loss, but so much more proud of my mindset now.
So while this is the third post in a row about weight issues, this one is different from the other two, and hopefully the last one! I really don’t know what made my brain finally realize that I am ok the way I am. Maybe it was everyone’s very kind words in telling me I’m beautiful on here and fb after those blogs. Maybe it was from reading the “Whale vs. Mermaid” thing on fb and realizing that it’s ok NOT to be a mermaid. Idk what it was, but it’s like a light bulb went off over the past week or two.  I’m just happy with who I am. My body isn’t thin, it isn’t toned, I have a flabby stomach. But you know what, this body has also given birth three times and nourished three children for the pregnancies and for at least a year after having them.  I know I could work out and cut out the junk food and end up having a thin & toned body. I’m not going to use having kids as an excuse, I know there are plenty of women that have had that many or more kids that have amazing bodies. But you know what, I don’t want to kill myself working out for hours a day or cut out the food I love. I will continue to workout for my health, because I want to be a healthy person, but I’m over it being all about losing weight. There are so many other ways I’d rather spend my time than working out.  I have more important things to do with my time than worry about my weight.  Like I said, I’ll continue to exercise because it is a healthy thing to do, but I’m talking like a 1/2 hour to hour run on the treadmill not hours & hours everyday at the gym.  I’m 34 years old, I’m tired of the constant thought process of “how long do I have to run to burn off this cupcake”. I want to eat a damned cupcake and run only if I feel like it!

I know there are a lot of people who cannot understand this thought process, and that’s ok. You can think the way you do, but I’m done with that. I’m done feeling like I’m a cow. I’m done feeling like people look down on me because of my weight. Because you know what, if you’re one of those people who look at me and think I’m fat or that I need to lose weight, I don’t want to be friends with you. I don’t want you to be fake to my face and turn around and judge me because I’m not thin. I am just over it.  My husband thinks I’m sexy, he loves my body the way it is, and that’s enough for me. I’m confident and content with myself now and that is all I need.

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